Getting Used To Condoms
This new girl I’m hanging out with won’t have sex with me unless I wear a condom. I can’t stand rubbers or the way they feel. Any advice?
My advice is to wear the rubber. What kind of sexologist would I be if I didn’t side with safe sex, respecting your partner’s boundaries and rooting for people to have consensual, pleasurable sex? She’s offering you a choice: a condom or the road. The road isn’t that interesting, and I suggest you go down the protected sex path. I encourage you to ask why she insists on condom use. Everyone has different reasons, and it may be that sexually transmitted infections or possible pregnancy may be concerns of hers.
I know the word out on the street is condoms don’t feel good and are less pleasurable. Recent research by the Center for Sexual Health Promotion at Indiana University found little difference with ratings of sexual arousal, orgasm and pleasure for people who used condoms and those who did not. A lot of sexual arousal is psychological and often trumps the slight change in sensation when using a condom. You can also minimize the sensation difference by using extra-thin condoms. They offer more sensitivity and the same effectiveness and protection as other condoms. You can use a few drops of lube inside the condom to provide more gliding around the head of the penis. This will increase sensation. You can also use drops of warming or cooling lubricant to add an extra kick.
Dating An Experienced Woman
I’m dating a new woman, and she is really experienced. It’s a little intimidating and at times I feel kind of stupid when we plan to have sex and try new things. I’m noticing she has done a lot more than me. She wants me to try being inside her and have her “squeeze” me to make me come. Is this possible?
It sounds like she wants to try an Eastern sexual technique called Kabazzah. My guess is your new partner has experience with Tantra and other lovemaking techniques. During Kabazzah, an erect male inserts his penis into a female’s vagina, but does not thrust. She contracts her abdominal, pelvic and vaginal muscles and squeezes his penis. This essentially milks his penis until he ejaculates. This technique can feel great for both partners and helpful for male partners who are early ejaculators to prolong lovemaking. When incorporated with other Tantric elements and techniques, such as synchronized breathing, eye gazing and chakra alignment, Kabazzah can be a sensual and connecting experience that certainly can squeeze a man to orgasm.
Some couples will do variations that incorporate muscular contractions and thrusting. For example, an erect penis can slowly penetrate a vagina. Once the penetrating stroke is finished, the woman can clench her vaginal/pelvic muscles as the male pulls back. This can be repeated over and over, and she can clench her muscles each time his penetration is on the “back” stroke. I think you’ll find that with a little practice, you’ll find the right rhythm to bring you both to new heights of pleasure.
For The Love Of Phone Sex
Why does phone sex turn me on so much? Even more than having sex sometimes?
Phone sex, Skyping, sexting, etc. have a certain element to them that makes them different than in-person sexual contact. While most prefer sex in the presence of their partners, some folks like the lowered inhibitions that phone sex offers. Some find they can be more honest, more sexual and take their dirty talk to new levels behind the cloak of phone sex. If you consider the psychology behind phone sex, it can offer people more distance from their partners, which can open the door to being increasingly daring, adventurous and invite them to push their boundaries. People can feel more sexual, take more verbal risks and allow their minds to be more creative and imaginative with less fear of partner judgment.
It’s not as easy to do when we are in our partners’ presence. With in-person sex, we are being seen, witnessed, and that can bring up anxiety. The physical distance of phone sex can be just enough to overcome insecurities and reduce anxiety or sexual discomfort that may be present. Also, phone sex is a great way to practice safe sex, change up the routine and spice things up in any sexual relationship.
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