This week, Doc Love, author of “The System,” tells a reader how to deal with a girl who’s only around temporarily.
I’ve been an ardent reader of your articles, and they have been extremely helpful. I’m in a situation that I feel requires your direct attention. I moved back to India, my home country, early this year, after graduating from college in the USA. Two months ago, I met an American girl, Cheri, at a cafe close to my home, and she was by herself and looked lonely, so I decided to make the most of the opportunity. I got her number, and we hung out the next day. She’s in India on a fellowship and will be here for an additional seven months. We got along excellently and could relate to each other on many levels.
As we grew closer, Cheri told me she was involved with a guy for 10 months back in the States before she left for India, but she did not want to continue it while she was in a different country. She said that they were no longer together, but they were still close friends, and I was fine with that. She also mentioned that the guy back home expected them to get back together once she was back in the States. I think that was pretty reasonable, too. Cheri and I are not in a relationship, as neither of us thinks this has a future because she is likely to be back with her long-term boyfriend once she leaves India.
Recently Cheri told me that she didn’t actually end things with her boyfriend completely when she left for India. She said that she didn’t expect to meet someone in India who she would be comfortable and happy with, and she also told me that she was scared of getting too close to me, as she will eventually have to leave. So she has been holding herself back. I’m confused as to what I should expect from her. Should we have a good time while she is in India, and completely forget about it later? Or should we keep our distance, as there is the possibility of getting too attached? Could you suggest some third alternative that could work to the benefit of both of us?
Ujjwal – who doesn’t want to get hurt
You can’t ignore the huge red flag in front of you: Cheri is going back to America. Are you going to follow her? Or is Cheri going to fall in love with you and stay in India and be your wife for the rest of her life? When you ponder these questions, it doesn’t take much to see that your odds with this babe are really bad.
When Cheri told you that she did not want to continue her relationship with her American boyfriend when she was abroad, wasn’t she telling you indirectly that she’s going back to him? Notice that she didn’t say that she dumped her boyfriend, Ujjwal. She never said that she was turned off to this guy back home. In other words, she’s telling you in no uncertain terms, and without coming right out and saying it, that the door to this guy back in the States is still very much open, whereas it might — if you’re not paying really close attention — sound like it’s closed. There’s a very subtle and dangerous distinction here, and it’s something most guys would miss.
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