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This week, Doc Love, author of “The System,” tells a reader he needs to move on.
I have a dilemma here, and I’d like your coaching.
First off, I’m 29 and Bristol is 32. We dated for six weeks, and I fell in love with her. Three weeks ago, she freaked out and sent me a bunch of texts saying that she didn’t want to date anymore and asking me to respect her decision. This was very confusing because we have great chemistry, romance, conversations with lots of laughter and much in common in terms of values and character. Her reason for ending the romance was that she was having some serious post-traumatic stress from an assault by a man.
My response was to remain calm. I didn’t bombard Bristol with questions or texts the next few days. I did, however, start to feel resentful of her because I felt that she led me on. She showed all the signs of attraction: nervous around me, full attention and responsiveness, great touching and contact, and strong body language. I let her know I was upset and also that I thought she was making a mistake. We talked several times and she was rather emotional, and I could tell she didn’t want to talk about the relationship.
I tried hard to be Bristol’s friend for the past few weeks, but I can’t. Every time I see her I just want to touch her and kiss her and be close. A few days ago I told her I needed to put some space between us because I haven’t been myself at work and I need to move on. She sent me a long email that cleared some things up but confused me more on other issues. She described her post-traumatic stress in detail, said she thought about me all day long, and with every song she listened to, etc. All this was music to my ears, of course, because I feel the same way. However, she said she didn’t want to hurt me and said I had to do what was best for me. I am confused again by what she actually means here. A few of my friends say they think she may well want me to wait for her but couldn’t come right out and say it.
I’ve decided to not contact Bristol for a week or two, then tell her that I will wait for her (I haven’t met someone I click with like this in a long, long time), but that I need to know if she even wants me to. Is this the right thing to do? If Bristol didn’t feel strongly for me, why would she send me a long email after I voluntarily moved on?
Kris – who hopes she’ll take him back
Doc Love’s Response
You may have fallen head over heels for Bristol, but the really important question is whether she’s in love with you. Why are you telling me about your Interest Level in her? Bristol’s Interest Level is the only thing that counts.
And why are you saying “we” have great chemistry? What you mean is that you have great chemistry with Bristol. Like my cousin Fast Eddie Love from East L.A. says, “If the two of you had great chemistry together, she wouldn’t be breaking up with you.”