- What You Need To Know
- Challenge and Humor raise her Interest Level – not what you feel about her.
- If she’s inconsistent in her behavior, she’s out.
- If she’s dealing with ex-boyfriend baggage, don’t bother pursuing her.
“Why should she dig you when you turned her down for a date? “
If a woman’s behavior is inconsistent, should you consider it a red flag? This week, Doc Love, author of “The System,” helps a reader understand a woman’s true motives before making his next move.
I’m in need of some of your coaching. Recently, I met Janine, a waitress at the local coffee shop. She struck up a conversation about a football game. As the next few months passed, I got to know her better through our short conversations. She always showed a lot of interest in me, asking what I did over the weekend, who I went out with, etc. She also tried to signal numerous times that she was single and that she shared similar interests with me. Although I realized she wanted me to ask her out, I decided not to because I wasn’t sure whether I really liked her as more than a friend. Eventually, she asked me out to a movie, and I made up some excuse. I turned her down and could see that she was hurt by my response. Soon after this, her interest in me began to fade. But my interest in her began to grow, and I realized that I actually liked her and cared about her a lot, so I decided to ask her out.
you want what you can’t have
When I did, Janine was very rude to me and turned me down by saying that she would go out with me one day when she had the time. A few days later, she apologized and explained that she did like me and wanted to go out with me but was dealing with problems from the past and did not know what to do. As it turned out, she decided to get back together with her ex-boyfriend, and she started to treat me coldly. Annoyed by this, I decided not to go to her restaurant anymore.
When I did eventually go back weeks later, her demeanor was completely different and it has been ever since. She’s been all over me, talking, flirting, etc. She also explained that she was off for five days and didn’t have anything to do since her boyfriend had to work. She seemed to mention him reluctantly.
I am really confused and don’t know what to do. I like Janine (she’s stunning, by the way) a great deal, and she knows it too since I told her so. I also think that she still finds me attractive and knows that I care about her. I can tell from the look in her eyes that she does feel something for me, but I’m not sure what it is. Is she having second thoughts about her boyfriend and, therefore, lining me up should she decide to end it with him? Is she just playing mind games? Or does she feel pity for me and just wants to be friends?
Should I spot the red flags here? I am not sure where I stand with Janine and how I should deal with her going forward, especially if I have such strong feelings for her.
Kemp – who is scratching his head
doc love’s response
When Janine came at you hard at the beginning, you should have asked her out anyway, even if you weren’t sure how you felt about her. You should have taken her to Starbucks, gotten her out of her normal environment and saw how you felt about her after one date. With her coming on to you that strongly, you should have at least given her that one shot and seen if there was something in her personality that you liked. Then you would have avoided all the mess that ensued afterward. But you didn’t.
Of course Janine’s interest in you began to fade when you rejected her. Why should she dig you when you turned her down for a date? But then you changed your mind and decided you wanted to take her out. You’ve got a problem, Kemp. There’s something wrong with you. This girl backs off from you, and all of a sudden you see the light? When she rebuffed you she punctured your big ego. That’s what really happened.
Doc Love spots the red flags Kemp should’ve picked up on next…