The Key To Success With Women & More

Key To Attraction


  • Better Man in brief …
  • Stop doing the nice and sensitive things that say, “I’m a Wussy.”
  • To women, attraction is instinctual.
  • Some “jerk” techniques might not seem like they should work, but they do.

It’s because — as my ultimate law for success with women goes — attraction isn’t a choice.

Yes, it’s that time once again: the day we feature your dating and relationship questions. Although we would like to answer each one personally and with as much detail as possible, the overwhelming number of inquiries forces us to highlight those that are most interesting to AskMen readers.

This week’s QA explains the key to success with women; David DeAngelo, author of Double Your Dating: What Every Man Should Know About How To Be Successful With Women, has your answers.

reader’s question


I have met a girl at my college. I am into her, knowing that she is not attracted to me. I really want to know what I’m doing wrong. She knows I like her, but I’m shy and lost for ideas. I haven’t bought her anything or taken her out because, like you said, it shows weakness and also they don’t like it. I see her when I can, whenever we both have free time, but her schedule is pretty full between work, college and church. Advice and pointers would be nice.

J. M.

david d. responds

J.M., the day I stop getting questions like this is the day I can finally retire. I’m not holding my breath…

Thing is, though, I was once where you are — thinking I was a nice, sensitive guy who had to sit around “wishing” and “wanting” women who had no interest in me (outside of being a friend) because I was too shy, not good-looking enough, not rich enough, and so on.

But then, after watching the guys who were actually successful with women, I quickly realized I had it all wrong. Instead of thinking I was a nice, sensitive guy who needed to be richer or better-looking to get women, I realized what I really needed was to become the confident, in-control kind of guy that women really want.

You see, this is why women often date jerks and guys who are emotionally unavailable, and don’t date us “nice guys” who would do anything for them. It’s because — as my ultimate law for success with women goes — attraction isn’t a choice. In other words, women do not sit down and make a list of the qualities a particular guy has, think them over for a few days, and then decide whether or not to feel attraction.

Just doesn’t happen.

Attraction is either there or it isn’t, and it happens in an instant. Plus, to mess up a nice guy’s thinking even more, it happens for all kinds of illogical reasons — reasons that even a woman who is feeling it can’t usually describe.

So what’s the answer here?

The answer is to realize that, most likely, many of the “nice” things you’re doing while you’re around women you feel attracted to (and who consider you “just a friend”) are actually ruining your chances with them.

You must understand that you sometimes have to do things that seem to be “inconsiderate” in order to give a woman what she really wants, which is a man who is in control of himself, the situation and often her. You have to stop doing the nice, sensitive things that say, “I’m a Wussy,” because these are the very things that torpedo any chance of success you have with the women you really want.

So raise your right hand and repeat after me:

“I will stop being a Wussy around women.”

“I will stop being a Wussy around women.”

“I will stop being a Wussy around women.”

Instead, start doing the things that really work with women:

Be calm and confident.

Act Cocky Funny.

Bust on women and give them a hard time.

Lead the way; don’t follow.

David explains how to combine these traits for success next… Next Page

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