- Better Man in brief …
- You can’t let yourself get too deep in the friend zone before there’s no getting out.
- If you have feelings for a friend, you shouldn’t be seeing them at all.
- You can’t have any real idea what kind of relationships your friend is in with other men.
“When youre in love with your friend, you shouldnt even be seeing her.“
This week’s question comes from a guy who’s so deep in the Friend Zone he may never be found in a relationship again. Can Doc Love bring him out of the friendship darkness?
I’ve been friends with a girl named Ghislaine for two years, and she is one of the best friends I’ve ever had. The problem: I’m madly in love with her and would marry her tomorrow if given the opportunity. Ghislaine and I went on one official “date” a few months after we met, but neither of us pursued anything more after that. She knows that I’ve had strong feelings for her at different times, although I think she’s unsure of how I currently feel because I just got out of a short relationship with another woman. My feelings for Ghislaine have always been stronger than her feelings for me; however, she has told me several times that she “thought” she had feelings for me beyond friendship and that she tells herself that she should be crazy about me.
kiss and tell
About six months ago, we went out for dessert at a nice place. I walked her home, and I tried to kiss her. She initially asked me what I was doing, but then got very “wishy-washy” about it. She stuttered things like, “Well, maybe…” “I don’t know if I can do this…” “Well, OK…” Eventually I just said, “Have a good night and I’ll talk to you later,” and I left. She later told me she wasn’t interested in me, and things were awkward between us for a while. So I don’t know about this.
Six months later, Ghislaine is still my best friend and I’m absolutely crazy about her. We do things that resemble a dating relationship all the time, but have done nothing physically or officially. All the while, Ghislaine casually dates other guys. What can I do to step this up beyond a friendship? I’m deep into the Friend Zone, but I think there’s some potential for attraction on her end — I just have to somehow spark it.
Nelson – who’s beyond frustrated and needs to avoid the friend zone
doc love’s response
Let me tell you something: When you’re in love with your friend, you shouldn’t even be seeing her. Because what’s going to happen if you keep seeing her is that you’re going to get frustrated — nothing but frustrated. Like my cousin Sal “The Fish” Love says, “This whole scene is nothing but a waste of time, paisan.” To boot, you’re always going to be beating your head against the wall, and every time Ghislaine mentions that she’s seeing another guy, you’re going to be dying on the inside. Like the old saying in sales goes, “If it’s too hot in the kitchen, get out!”
Nelson, let me ask you something: After your first date with Ghislaine, why didn’t you follow up with a second and third date? Your problem is that you’re not utilizing “The System.” My Book is a game plan in which you are going to have a complete strategy for dealing with a dating relationship. You’ll go out on one date with a girl, then you’ll wait a week to go on a second date, then a third date and fourth date and so on. At every step of the way you are going to have clear guidelines to follow and you won’t be confused by whatever gets thrown at you. And you’re going to continue following this tried-and-true method until the girl blows you off — or she falls in love with you.
But Nelson, you have no game plan — you have no game, period. To you Psych majors: There will be no room for error if you follow my techniques. Like my cousin General Love says, “All bases will be covered, and you won’t be shooting in the dark at a target you can’t even see.”
So Ghislaine doesn’t know how you feel about her now. Nelson, what’s the matter with you? This babe should never have known you had feelings for her in the first place. If you’d followed my principles, you’d have known that Ghislaine should have been the one to realize that she has feelings for you. At that point she would have asked you to not be her friend anymore. You’re doing things, pal, but you’re doing everything backwards.
Your feelings for Ghislaine are stronger than hers are for you? What a surprise! That’s the understatement of the century! I think I’ll let the Guinness World Records in on that one!
Doc Love tries to help Nelson out of the Friend Zone… Next Page