She Blows You Off & More

Yes, it’s that time once again: The day we feature your dating and relationship questions. Although we would like to answer each one personally and with as much detail as possible, the overwhelming amount of inquiries forces us to highlight those that are most interesting to AskMen readers.

This week’s QA poses the question of how to deal with a woman who blows you off. David DeAngelo, author of Double Your Dating: What Every Man Should Know About How To Be Successful With Women, has your answers.

reader’s question

Hi David, 

I like this woman who does the unpredictability thing on me. I mean, she never gives me a concrete answer about herself. She doesn’t say specifically where and when she’s going to be somewhere. It leaves me kind of flabbergasted. What can I do to regain control? 


david d. responds

Hey Jan,

Guess what. When a woman is “flaky,” it always means one of two things.

The first is that she’s simply not feeling it for you. If this is the case, you need to get a grip and move on.

In the second case, she’s testing you.

These things she’s doing are classic examples of how women work men, trying to see how much control they have in a relationship and how strong you are.

Women can do this by running hot and cold. They may wait to call you back (or not at all). They might flake out on plans. No matter what, they’ll probably ask tons of questions without revealing much about themselves.

The killer paradox is that if you comply with what a woman seems to want, then you automatically fail her test. I once read a great book called The Way of the Superior Man that points out that when a woman asks a man for something and he gives in without resistance, she just becomes disappointed and angry with him.

It all boils down to the fact that attractive women have a lot of choices and options, so they test a man to figure out quickly whether he’s worth investing time in.

If their tests reveal that a guy is a total Wussbag, there’s a good chance that he won’t get enough time with her for another chance. In the fast-paced world of an in-demand woman, she doesn’t have time to spend getting to know you or trying to figure out whether or not you’re the kind of person that would eventually make a great mate.

So, Jan, how do you deal with this?

I recommend that you give her a small taste of what she wants, then pull back, leaving her hungry for more. Then take back even more power by not calling her back. When she starts asking questions, tell her she’s boring you and that you’ll answer one or two, but she’s going to have to earn the rest. And if she flakes out on plans, just act like you don’t even notice.

Above all, have a life of your own, regardless of what she does, and you’ll not only pass all her tests but won’t care whether you do or not.

That’s the ultimate key to success with all women. So make it happen, Jan.

reader’s question


I have a question.

In this day and age of dating, I feel like e-mails and texts are a godsend. But in terms of meeting women online, is there such a thing as writing/texting too much? Could my long e-mails/text messages blow my chances when dating? 


Read on for how much texting is too much… Next Page

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