Hi Dr. Chaves,
I was wondering if it is harmful to suddenly stop before I ejaculate when I masturbate or have sex. Sometimes I will do this repeatedly and will eventually never ejaculate and stop altogether. Is that wrong?
How can something that seems so wrong be so right? What you’re doing isn’t harmful. You are unknowingly practicing a common early ejaculation technique called the start-stop method or peaking exercises. You’re teaching your penis about ejaculatory control and are learning to control the point of no return (when you feel like you’re about to ejaculate). When a man practices as you do, he teaches himself to maintain high states of arousal. Sounds pretty good to me.
My guess is you don’t have complaints about how long you last. It’s up to you if you don’t want to ejaculate. It’s not wrong, but it sounds frustrating. I kind of want to pull my hair out for you. But I respect your bodily control. Keep in mind that research studies have shown that ejaculating is healthy and may have some prostate health benefits. You’re well on your way to learning the Taoist art of multiple male orgasms. You might want to think about going all the way.
Hey Dr. Chaves,
My wife and I use condoms all the time during sex, but when I penetrate her with the condom, she starts to burn, which is an instant turn-off for her. She is fully lubed, so I guess it’s not a friction burn, but this feeling means she doesn’t come and thus doesn’t enjoy sex at all. Now she finds excuses not to have sex. Any idea what causes this burning inside her?
As hot as vaginas are, they shouldn’t burn. When I hear the word “burning,” it raises a red flag. There are a couple of things to consider. First, does the burn occur in the same area in her vagina? It’s possible there is a tear or related issue inside her vaginal canal and sex irritates it. Another possibility is the presence of an infection. She would benefit by seeing a MD for a pelvic exam to rule out both these possibilities. She may also be allergic to the lube or the latex condom. You can experiment by rubbing a condom and lube on her inner forearm and see if any irritation develops. If so, experiment with different types of lubes/condom material. Some lubes have sugar additives, flavors, and spermicides that bother vaginas. Just about anything can make the vagina extra sensitive. I’d suggest analyzing anything that comes in contact with her vagina, especially new products, and pay close attention to how her vagina reacts. Yes, you’re homework assignment is to pay extra attention to your wife’s vagina. I’m sure you’ll get an A on this assignment.
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