Polyamory: Ask Dr. Chaves

multiple partners

Hi Dr. Chaves,

A buddy of mine from work went out drinking with me and my friends, and he got a little tipsy and told us he’s in a relationship with a couple of women. They knew about it, and even lived together. He said it wasn’t like people that are Mormons that have more than one wife. It was kind of creepy to hear, since I’m married, but he seems like a regular guy — actually pretty nice. Not sure what to think here. What do you think and what is this?

G., Oklahoma

Sounds like your friend is in a polyamorous relationship. Polyamory is basically having consensual, loving, intimate relationships with more than one person (multiple intimate relationships). With all the different terms like polyandry, polygyny, polygamy, polyfidelity, group marriage, and others that describe specific loving relationships among people, it can get confusing. But having all these terms means people are involved in a lot more than we’re socialized to think. In our culture, monogamy is most common, and these other multiple-partner relationships seem scary because we don’t understand them or see them every day.

It’s common to fear what we don’t know and place judgment based on that fear. But why is it so hard to imagine loving multiple people at the same time? Many people have a hard time loving one person, yet your work friend can love two. Maybe he has an amazingly unique capacity to love that few have. The important and sometimes hardest thing is to respect the choices and desires of others when they differ from yours. What’s interesting to me is one of the most common male fantasies is sex with two women at the same time. Why can’t the fantasy continue for longer than a sexual encounter and be long-term relationships? Some people are monogamous and some aren’t; who are we to judge? As a serial monogamist myself, my fantasy woman is Kim Kardashian. My new polyamorous fantasy is Kim and Angelina Jolie. Looking at that last sentence, even though it’s not in me, polyamory doesn’t seem so bad, does it?

increase the volume

Hi Dr. Chaves,

I’m concerned about the amount of semen that comes out when I ejaculate. When I ejaculate, not much semen comes out, and it doesn’t seem to spurt out. I am worried about this and was wondering if you have any suggestions that could help.

Thank You,
K., Oregon

Unless this is a recent development and a change from the previous amount of ejaculate you normally shoot, there’s no need to be concerned. This is just the amount of semen your body produces, and it varies from guy to guy. Some are dribblers while others are geysers. You might be able to add a few micromilliliters to your load, but I wouldn’t expect huge changes. There are a few tricks to help slightly increase your ejaculate. First, allow for more time in between ejaculations. I’d suggest two to three days without ejaculating to have a good reserve built up. Next, stay away from quick ejaculations. Long stimulation sessions help to milk every last drop. Last, an old porn trick is to increase your egg white consumption. As for female preference, some like large loads while others are perfectly happy with smaller ones. Hopefully, you can let go of your worry and concern as both of those adjectives can have a powerful impact on our sex lives.  

Next up, Dr. Chaves tells you how to delay ejaculation… Next Page

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