Yes, it’s that time once again: The day we feature your dating and relationship questions. Although we would like to answer each one personally and with as much detail as possible, the overwhelming amount of inquiries forces us to highlight those that are most interesting to AskMen readers.
This week’s QA brings up the question of how to best get a woman sexually aroused. David DeAngelo, author of Double Your Dating: What Every Man Should Know About How To Be Successful With Women, has your answers.
What am I supposed to do in order to make a girl want sex? All the time, my girl never tells me that she wants to have sex with me. I’m the one who is always in need of having sex! Help me.
david d. responds
Prondazi, my friend, you’re totally misfiring on this one (no pun intended).
Listen, you need to stop worrying about making this girl “want sex” from you. That’s putting the cart before the horse. Building a fire without matches. Trying to start a car without gasoline.
Get my point?
What you should be worried about is your lack of ability to create the sexual tension that inevitably leads to sex. Once you can do that, everything else will take care of itself. Almost automatically.
OK, so how do you create sexual tension? Here’s an example of Sexual Tension 101:
Let’s say you’re on the sofa after a night of watching Dancing With the Stars. (I feel for you.) You look over at her; she looks back at you. You want to do more than sit on the damn sofa and watch TV. You want to get things started. You want to kiss her.
Problem is, she knows that you want to kiss her. And that makes her the one with all the power. If you try to kiss her now, it’s boring. And if you don’t try to kiss her, you have to hope that things will “heat back up” later.
So, how to proceed?
First, gain an understanding of how and why women become sexually aroused, and what they’re really communicating to men. For example, in their book Sexual Interactions, Albert and Elizabeth Allgeier mention that, in one study, almost 40% of women reported refusing sexual intercourse when they actually wanted it. They called this “The token no.” (Of course, this does not mean that a woman wants a man to force himself on her. Never force a woman to do anything.)
What it does mean is that women enjoy anticipation. And anticipation is the No. 1 way to proceed to sexual arousal.
Remember that women get turned on big time by the idea of wanting and expecting what’s going to happen. The reason why a lot of women say that they don’t want sex is simply because 99% of men don’t get this. Men act like they would enjoy it if a woman just took off her clothes and said, “Let’s do it.”
So, to create the sexual tension that leads to actual sex, become a master of creating anticipation. And to do it, I recommend a technique called “Two steps forward, one step back.” Simply put, here’s how it works:
Before you go for that kiss, lean back. Keep talking. A few minutes later, reach over and take her hand… and keep talking. Then, lean over and kiss her.
You’re not there yet. Read on to find out how to play it out… Next Page